Borderline plus size

My favorite thing after a long day is to plop down in front of my laptop, block of cheese in hand. Cheese and I have a long history. Our relationship complicated when I came here though. It’s difficult to find. I rarely see Cheese now. At night I drift off to sleep, dreaming of Cheese’s comforting embrace.

It’s bullshit.  Not only am I deprived my favorite hobby, eating a block of cheese and watching Cops, but I am still Chubbs McGee.

 

cheese pull

Oh god

 

I wish there was a vibrator equivalent for cheese.

It’s ridiculous. I purchased a lint roller to get the crumbs off of my bed.  I look at cheese pull gifs late at night and feel naughty about it. When am I going to fundamentally change as a human being?

Oh, I have to do the work myself? Damn.

I thought my fluff was going to melt in the land of kimchi. Alas, it has not. I am trying to make some lifestyle changes (barf). It’s difficult when Pizza Hut is closer to my house than the grocery store.


I am exercising more while I battle my addictions to pizza and convenience store ice cream. The only exercise I like, besides sitting down, is swimming. I was once a dolphin, I am sure. Luckily there is a pool near my house. It is also near my school. I have run into my students several times. Naked. I felt mortified, yet honored to educate the youth on nipple diversity. It also felt great to get into the water again. Until I started swimming.

Back in America, land of the free, home of the Michael Phelps, people finish their lap to completion. There is usually a deep end, leaving no opportunity to bail mid-lap. This pool is completely shallow, which I am cool with. But one woman, whom’s stroke of choice was the doggy paddle, would stop and walk the rest of her lap. Either she was recovering from hip surgery, or exhausted by the inefficient stroke. It was annoying, but not that big of a deal.

It became a big deal when she started practicing her kicks alongside the end of the pool, as depicted in my diagram. Not only did I have to swim against the current she was creating, but now she forced me to bail on my lap too! I was so upset I had to leave and get ice cream to cool down.

 

 

Original art a la me.

 

 

But my favorite story is from attempted to skip the pre-swim shower. A woman chased me and my friend down and mimed for us to scrub our butts and genital regions. I haven’t skipped the shower since.

 

If I lost a pound for each time I got yelled at in Korean, I would have reached my goal weight. But I’ll just keep swimming.

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